Mandates and Modern English: Binding Forces
by ArcherFlameConstantine
Summary: Dumbledore mandates that a new project be instated: each seventhyear student must temporarily marry a classmate of the opposite house, be assigned magicallygenerated children, and take a Life Skills class taught be the eversojoyful Prof. Snape. Of course,
1. Compatibility Tests and Their Heinous Re

1Mandates and Modern English-Binding Forces

by ArcherFlameConstantine

Disclaimer: I own my computer, my storyline, and my hair color. NOT the Harry Potter characters or settings, although I HAVE bid for them on eBay.

Chapter One- Compatibility Test and Their Heinous Results

"...and following your compatibility quizzes, you will be paired according to your results. Or the humiliation factor to suit my sadistic whims," Professor Snape, who was now the teacher of not only Potions but a new class called Life Studies, finished grandly. "This may be another one of the Headmaster's brilliant plans for inter-house unity, but it _will_ be fun... for me, of course, not for you."

Hermione Granger raised her hand. Excuse me, but where does _unity_ fit into this madness?"

Snape replied, "Oh, didn't I mention it? In the three months in which you will temporarily 'married' to a classmate, it will be to someone of the rival house, which means Ravenclaws and Hufflepuffs, and Gryffindors and Slytherins," he grinned evilly.

_I swear he's gotten meaner over the summer,_ thought Hermione. _Probably just angry his boyfriend Voldermort is dead. _She snickered.

Ron heard and elbowed her. "What's so funny? Sounds bloody awful to me!" This caused Hermione to laugh even harder and louder.

"Miss Granger, I'm not sure what is so hilarious, but if you can't control yourself, please, take your homework and leave my class," commanded Professor Snape coldly, obviously miffed that no one had started crying by the\n!

Trying and failing to control giggles, Hermione took the parchment Snape was holding out and left. Everyone was completely floored except for Harry and Ron. They'd noticed how different Hermione had been since Voldermort's defeat; she had more confidence and was less cautious. Not that they minded at all!

"Now, does anyone else want to leave!" Snape demanded angrily. Harry and Ron promptly raised their hands; upon receiving a stern glare, they lowered them.

When Hermione reached her Head Girl dorm, she plopped down on the sofa in her sitting room and scanned the homework, the aforementioned compatibility test. She laughed drily; she loved dear old Dumbledore, but this whole project was a joke! They were supposed to "marry" a classmate for three months, be assigned magically-generated children, and do the whole simulated-family thing. And she'd hoped only muggle schools did that sort of project. Also, Professor Snape now, in addition to Potions, taught the parenting class that went along with the project, along with Professor McGonagal every other day.

She sighed as she looked over the questions on the test. Then, she thought, " Hmm, tis could be fun!" Hermione grabbed her quill and began answering the questions:

"1. What are your favorite colors?" That was easy enough. She wrote, "Red, black and green."

"2. What kind of weather do you prefer?" She had to think a moment before scribbling down, "Cold and gray, just before a storm."

The questions continued in this fashion, from " 5. What is your favorite animal?" ( a hawk) to " 21. How many serious relationships have you been in?" (Five).

Finally, she reached the last question. She grinned as she read " 32. If your ideal relationship could be summarized in a song, what would it be?" Her grin widened as she as she did not hesitate to write "I Melt With You" by Modern English. It was one of the only sappy muggle songs that she liked, and it had a double benefit that no one would recognize it. "Rock on," she thought with humor.

The next day, when they all handed in their quizzes, the professor announced that the results would be posted in the Entrance Hall after dinner. Everyone then proceed to worry about the outcomes for the rest of the day. When the dreaded event (a.k.a. dinner) finally dawned, even Harry and Ron found themselves without appetites. And that was saying something! They kept going over the list of girls that they didn't want to be partnered with.

"Of course, there's Pansy Parkinson," Harry noted.

"And don't forget Millicent Bulstrode!" Ron insisted. The both nodded sepulchrally.

"Oh do be serious! Do you really think that if you point out who you don't want to be partnered with, you actually won't?" their practical female friend demanded. She didn't understand how they could be so crude as to voice their bad opinions of girls in front of God and everyone, not to mention the fact that they were in a public place where anyone might hear and take offence! "You two are invariably the most insensitive prats I've ever had the displeasure of calling friends!"

"Oh, well said!" applauded someone behind them. They turned to see who the voice belonged to, but somehow, they felt they already knew.

"Thank you," Hermione replied with false civility. " Now would you please _sod off, Malfoy!" _

" Do control your language, Granger!" he sneered.

"Sage wisdom!" she mocked. "Now, sod off, would you?"

"Fine, but I'll leave you lot with another bit of 'sagacity'," he aid. "Go check the quiz results by the doors in t he Entrance Hall. I guarantee that it will just about ruin your day. All of yours." And with that, he departed from their company at last.

As soon as Malfoy'd walked away, the Golden Trio jumped from their seats and ran to the Entrance Hall. Just beside the doors was a list affixed to the wall. They skidded to a halt in front of it.

Hermione crumpled under the anticipation. "I can't look!" she said. "You two look and tell me what it says!"

The boys, thankfully, had no such qualms about looking. Hermione soon heard a double gasp from them. "What?" she asked. "Is it bad?"

They nodded assent.

"Who'd you get?"

Harry said, "Ron got Pansy."

Hermione patted Ron's shoulder sympathetically. "Who'd you end up with, Harry?"

"Blaise Zabini."

"Oh! I never knew Blaise was a girl!" she said compassionately.

"Do I _want_ to know who I got paired with?"

"No," said Ron, who, until then, had been silent. "You really don't."

Harry checked the list. "Well, Malfoy was right, much as I hate to admit it. This _did_ ruin my day," he said bitterly.

Since the boys were obviously too dumbstruck to say any more, Hermione scanned the list for her name. She could feel the apprehension like a copper penny under her tongue. She grit her teeth, swallowed the metaphorical penny, and found her results: there were five little vertical columns on the list- name, personality type, partner, their personality type (the types usually matched, she saw), and a note from the professor. Her entry read:

Hermione Granger--misanthropic cynic--Draco Malfoy--misanthropic cynic--Have fun...-Snape

She turned around, shocked, only to find that Harry and Ron had left to afford her some semblance of dignity. The only thought in her mind was, " 'Have fun...'!" What was that supposed to mean! And Malfoy? Malfoy! Surely he wasn't the _only_ misanthropic cynic in their year! And he'd obviously known when he's spoken to them; why hadn't he said anything! "That evil freaking-," her ranting thoughts were cut off by the sound of students pouring into the Entrance Hall from dinner.

She waited for the crowd to pool out, and when they had, she dissolved into the group and became all but invisible. Instead of following her house-mates to Gryffindor Tower, she fell in with the Slytherins and headed towards the dungeons. More specifically, towards a certain teacher's office.

When they passed the door to Snape's office, she quietly slipped out of the group and into the room. She wasn't surprised to see Snape sitting behind his desk with an assortment of test papers strewn out in front of him. She was surprised, however, to see that he was already in the company of another student. Her eyes narrowed. _Malfoy_. Trying to decide what to do next she simply stood n the doorway like a deer caught in the headlights of a truck. Not that anyone at Hogwarts know what that meant.

Snape's eyes lit with something that could be called sadistic glee if he were capable of anything remotely like glee. "Wonderful. Are you

here to- oh, what was the phrase- yes, 'contest your horrific results' as well?" he asked, fully employing air quotes.

She shot an evil look at Malfoy and said, "Darn straight.: This was obviously _exactly_ what Snape's wanted to hear, because that evil, psychotic lunatic masquerading as a professor just smiled slowly, not quite like the cat that caught the canary, but more like the cat who was stalking his prey, while the poor unsuspecting canary just whistled and ate its gross seed-y things. And all they could do was wait until he deigned to tell them whatever the big secret was. God, it was torture! Finally, he decided to reveal whatever cloak-and-dagger ace he'd had up his sleeve. Without a word, he pulled two test papers out of his desk. Thy might've thought they were retaking the quiz had they not already been filled out. The stupid, smiling, snake of a man folded back the part of the paper where the students had written his or her name and placed the papers in front of them.

"You want to know why I put you tow enemies in a group together? Look at theses. Without reading the names, tell me which paper belongs to whom, please."

Each student picked up a random paper and read over it. Each assumed that the one he or she were holding was his or her own, due to the fact that the answers exactly matched the answers he or she had written down, although each also thought that there was something different about the penmanship. Hermione thought she remembered hers to be less bold, and Malfoy his to be less fine, but it was disregarded.

Hermione spoke first, saying, "Sir, I think this one's mine."

"You do, do you?" Snape intoned. "Granger, Malfoy, swap."

With many dark looks, they exchanged papers. Seeing the paper in her hand, Hermione gasped/ It had the exact same answers as the one before. The only difference was that there was no question as to whose handwriting was whose. Both Hermione and Malfoy simply stood there, shell shocked..

"You want to know why I deemed two perfect opposites compatible? Well, there's your answer. It wasn't to humiliate you. Your quizzes matched. _You _matched. Carbon copy. Now, if you please, get out.

They just stood there looking horrified. Snape looked almost bemused. With a flick of his wand, he sent them flying out the door. He looked quite pleased.


	2. Last Days of Freedom

1Chapter Two- Last Days of Freedom

Hermione stood and dusted herself off with as much dignity as humanly possible, given the circumstances. "Well. That was... blunt."

"_Pretty bloody blunt_, Granger," Malfoy drawled, looking cross. Hermione opened her mouth to say something but was cut off. "Go back to your Tower, Gryffindor. Before someone gets into trouble."

At first, this completely mystified her. Then, she saw what he meant: a group of Slytherin bad-arses was currently rounding a corner towards them. Wordlessly, she cast an invisibility charm over herself and slipped away.

By the time she'd reached Gryffindor Tower, she was deep in thought. She had so many questions! How could their papers matched so exactly? And why was Malfoy being so...enigmatic? Sure, he'd always been kind of a freak-monkey, but now he was being just plain weird! How on earth was she going to survive the next three months with him!

Since the actual commence of the project wasn't for another week, most students took their remaining free time to either get to know their partner or live it up like it was their last days to live! Our heroine, as one might expect, chose the latter.

For the week preceding the project, the Golden Trio was completely ruled my its members' whims. Trips to Hogsmeade Village were wild, flamboyant events that usually resulted in too much money spent at the Weasleys' shop (they had a branch in Hogsmeade now) and once in each of the members of the Golden Trio acquiring pastel-coloured Pygmy- Puffs as incentives with their large purchases. Harry and Ron, of course, promptly gave theirs to Hermione and Ginny, relatively. (They were more than a little embarrassed at being seen with the dainty, fluffy little animals! Talk about masculinity-killers!)

Unfortunately, the week sped by faster than anyone cared for. The day of the project was fast approaching. As fast as twenty-four hours could, in any case!

The day before, in Life Skills (the class that came with the project), they'd devoted the entire class to making preparations. Joy abounded, of course.

"Today, you, my little victims, will be completing an inventory of coinciding and conflicting interests of yours and your partners. I will provide the form for you to fill out and turn in. If this isn't completed in class, then you'll have to finish it for homework," Snape informed them.

The class groaned. No one wanted to have to meet up with their opposite-house partner after class hours. Or at all, really.

"Move!" Snape barked like a world-class drill sergeant.

Hermione looked over at Malfoy, who nodded towards the seat next to him. She looked skeptical and motioned to the chair at her table that Harry had just abandoned. Typically, he looked away, refusing to negotiate. Sighing, she crossed to room to where he was sitting and dropped into the chair.

"Well?" she asked. "What now?" At his blank look, she summoned two forms from Snape's desk. Sliding one across the table in front of him, she said without any pretenses, " Look, if you have any desire to pass this class and _not_ have to meet up later, it would help a little if you would get over yourself."

He didn't reply for a moment. Finally, he said,-

DUN DUN DUN

So sorry for the cliffhanger. Oh, wait-NO I'M NOT! MWAHAHAHHAAHA!

-AFC


	3. MiniRevelation

1**Mystic Pammy: Thank you! **

**RhiaEVILMonkey: OKAY, OKAY! Pleeease don't hurt me!**

**TonksFan693: Glad you like it! I WILL keep updating.**

**KandyGurl: HERE YA GO! XD**

**C. A. Malfoy: I figured ya'll would hate me for it, but I'm glad ya like it!**

**Ca803: I know! I'n just good like that!**

**SoulessxWarrior: You're about to find out!**

**Chapitre _Trois (_ ChapterThree in French, the language of...France.)**

**Recap:_ He didn't reply for a moment. Finally he said-_**

**" I don't think it's me with the problem, per se."**

**"What the bloody hell do you mean?" she demanded.**

**" Well,"** **he replied innocently**, **" I think you just take it for granted that _I_ have a problem, more specifically, with you."**

**" What d'you mean? I'm not taking _anything_ for granted. I know you have a problem with... people like me. Or are you implying that you _don't_?" she scoffed humorlessly. " Even a snake like yourself couldn't pull off such a lie as to say you don't hate my friends and me!"**

**"Oh, please!" he scoffed in reply. " I don't and never really have. However, if you insist on carrying on in this paranoid manner, I'd think it's safe to say I will."**

**She was almost speechless. Almost. "But... but," she spluttered. None of what he'd said made any sense. " How do you explain you giving us so much trouble?"**

**"Simply enough," he shrugged. " I _do_ hate your friends because they're airheads. You, however, were just a ...fringe benefit."**

**Hermione gaped. "Why're you telling me this?** **Won't it spoil your 'bad Slytherin' facade?"**

**"Nope," he smirked, "because you're not going to tell anyone, and I'm only telling _you_ this so we don't fail the assignment."**

**"Excuse me, but _why_ exactly won't I be telling anyone?"**

**" Because if you do, your wonderfully overprotective male friends will hear all about your oh-so-exciting simmer in Bulgaria a few years ago that you cleverly omitted from any conversation." At her shocked expression, he added, "Viktor's my second cousin. He talks waaaaaaay too much. You do the math."**

**"Oh." The summer she'd spent with Viktor in Bulgaria had been miserable. She, in all innocent fourteen-year-old-ness, had had to repeatedly spurn the overt** **advances of her eighteen year-old host. _Some host_, she mentallymocked, then sighed her compliance**._ **" **_**Fine. Now can we so the sodding paper?"**

**He nodded. "Now what exactly is it that we have to do?"**

**"You have ears and can read, can't you? Do what Snape said: fill out the paper," she spelled it out. "Don't you start being stupid now that you're being nice. Multitask, boy!"**

**He pouted and muttered, "M' not being nice. Malfoys aren't ever nice."**

**Hermione laughed and shook her head, saying, "Whatever you say, Ferretboy," which, of course, caused more fake pouting, then more laughing at said pouting.**

A.N.- Sorry it's soooo short, but I've been busy with school and alllll that _fun_ stuff. scoffs Yeah. Anyway, don't crucify me yet; the next chapters WILL be better!


	4. Class Dismissed, Weddings Commenced

_**Chapter Four-Class Dismissed, Weddings Commence.**_

**_A.N.: Biiiggg thank-you's to everyone who reviewed_**.**_ Whilst I would LOVE to name you all and personally respond to everything that you said, I really cannot keep up with who said what when and about what story. Don't be mad, just pity the poor, eccentric_** **_"Suffering-for-Her-Art"-ist. Love you all though! And excuse me if this is late or slow or horrible but I'm on Spring Break right now, and I have a bruised thumb-nail. Owee..._**

"**Ye Gods!" Harry exclaimed to Ron, a table over from where Hermione and Malfoy were sitting. "They're laughing. Actually bloody laughing! I can't believe they haven't killed each other yet!"**

"**Yeah," agreed Ron. "Hey, what does 'Ye Gods' mean?"**

"**It's an expression, dumbarse," Harry muttered, rolling his eyes. (_A.N.: In case you haven't noticed, I have a DEEP loathing for Ronald Weasley and all his being.)_ **

**Finally, the class was dismissed. Hermione said good-bye to Malfoy, saying she'd see him tomorrow and no earlier, as they'd finished the survey, to which he readily and vehemently agreed. She then met up with her fellow devil Trio-ers.**

"**Make any progress, boys?" she asked them on their way to dinner. "The 'weddings' are tomorrow, so I do hope that you have."**

"**Well, I still don't like Blaise, but she's decent. And Ron...well, I think Ron's been sniffing some of Snape's old vials of Future-Scrying Serum. He's either high, love struck, or really, really out of it." **

" **I _see_..." Hermione said as Ron proceeded to walk straight into the stair-railings without flinching.**

" **Ow," he muttered blandly, quite obviously off in Ron-land.**

" **Okaaay," his two friends murmured in unisonrolling their eyes and leaving him to do...whatever it was that he was doing...**

" **So," Hermione said, "Blaise isn't so bad if you can get past her being a bit, er, androgynous."**

**He laughed. " I hope you're right. How's the ferret?You didn't seem to have any problems today."**

**She shook her head and smiled. "Not really. He actually didn't give me any problems." She didn't care to elaborate. **

"**Well, good. I'm glad, but..." he trailed off.**

"**But Night?"**

"**Why? He's always hated us. Why is he being so agreeable?"**

" **I guess so we don't fail the assignment. We _are _the Heads after all. We can't afford to fail; it would set a bad example. Why? Did you think there was some ulteriormotive, you paranoid boy?" she asked jokingly. Personally, she thought she'd played it off quite well, thankyouverymuch. And she obviously had, because he didn't reply. **

"**See you tomorrow," she said. Then with false felicity_: " _We're all getting 'married'"**

**He shrugged, noncommital, with a tired smile_. " _O the joy. 'Night."**

**She grinned wearily in response. "'Night."**

**When the next day rolled around, Hermione stayed in bed awhile, wishing she could stay there. It was the day of the "weddings"and, in her mind, the onset of hell. Sure, Malfoy had been decent lately, but that had been for the, what, half and hour they'd spent on Snape's survey? (Which had been a total and complete waste of time, honestly. They'd learned nothing about one another that they'd hadn't known; he liked quidditch and sleeping, she liked books and muggle music. Who would've guessed that!) She didn't know if she was ready for dealing with him twenty-four/ seven.**

**Suddenly, she heard a loud series of _BANG!_s on her door. She groaned audibly. "I don't know who you are, but go boil your freaking head!"**

**There was another sharp series of knocks. Finally the thing flew open, revealing a positively apoplectic Malfoy glaring at her.**

**For a moment she was quite terrified. "What are you doing?" she demanded.**

**All he said was, "Look at yours bloody clock!"**

**Suddenly, she realized what time it was. "Ohmygod! I am _so_ late! Breakfast is almost over. Thankyou, now please goaway!" she yelled quickly and unceremoniously slammed the door in his face.**

**Swearing vividly all the while, Hermione hastily dressed, put on makeup, and rushed downstairs. Many Gryffindor heads turned as she rushed into the Great Hall, robe and tie askew.**

**The boys both gave her oppugning looks, to be answered only by a muttered, "Slept late."**

**Fortunately for her, the Dreaded Commencement wasn't until the very end of the day. _Un_fortunately, this caused her to be extremely anxious all throughout her classes until then. Even the professors noticed it. They discussed here odd behavior at their staff meeting just before the Commencement Ceremony (aka 'mass weddings).**

"**It's out of character, to say the least," squeaked Prof. Flitwick.**

"**I'm a bit worried about her, Albus," added Prof. McGonagal. "Do you think it's wise, putting her with that Malfoy boy?"**

"**What's wrong with 'that Malfoy boy'?" Snape demanded. "If there's a problem with anyone, it's with _your_ student!"**

"**Severus! Minerva!" the Headmaster commanded. "Be quiet. There's nothing wrong with either of the students."**

"**But they _do_ hate each other," Madame Hooch pointed out. (AN: Thank you, Captain Obvious!) "What's to be done about that?"**

"**We can only wait and see," the Headmaster said with a smile , "but I must ask that all of you remember the case of Lilly Evans and James Potter. Most people don't realize that the line between love and hate is a thin one."**

"**You're not suggesting-" Snape was cut off.**

"**I am suggesting that we _wait _and _see._" Dumbledore emphasized with a mysterious smile.**

"**Oh my God," Hermione said. "What did I do to deserve this!"**

"**Nothing, of course, my commiserating Gryffie," Blaise grinned wryly. "None of us did, and yet...here we are."**

**They were wearing white robes and standing behind a curtain in the Great Hall. The Ceremonies were about to begin. It was just dumb luck that Hermione was standing by Blaise, who was actually a nice girl, if a little wild. She'd long since decided that crazy Miss Zabini would be good for Harry, who had been quite straight-laced lately. As for Ron, he'd been so out of it lately that they all knew who would rule the roost in his group. (coughPANSYcough)**

**As for her, the whole ceremony alone was nerve-wracking enough, and would be even if she was working with someone she actually _liked_. "Stupid project," she thought.** **To make matters worse, they were going alphabetically by the males' last name, putting her group near the end, thus forcing her to watch just about everyone else's ceremony, a mind-numbingly boring task.**

"**Psst," whispered someone from behind her. "Granger!"**

**She turned around. "Malfoy! What're you doing here? This is the girl's side!" **

" **I _cannot _go back over there," he said urgently, "until you tell your bloody bodyguards that I'm not going to kill you or something. If they keep harassing me, yes, I will beat them to a collective bloody pulp, but for the sake of keeping the peace, I would rather you said something."**

**Hermione almost looked impressed. "Well done," she said. " Had I been in your place, I might've already cursed their arses to the Astronomy Tower and back." She scribbled something on a bit of parchment she'd pulled from her bag and handed it to him. "If they keep heckling you, send them over here."**

"**Thanks," he said, sounding almost sincere. Then he smirked. "_Next _timeI'll take your approach first."**

**To his surprise, she replied, "You have my full permission." She then smirked** **of a caliber that the shocked Draco Malfoy could never dream of achieving and proceeded to kick him out of the girls' side.**

**There were two more groups before the Granger-Malfoy ceremony, and the term "nerve-wracking" was a gross understatement. However, Hermione, the paradigm** **of poise under pressure, had learned a few things:**

**A. As they walked out, a song was played, and everyone's was different. (She could guess what theirs would be.)**

**B. A traditional binding spell was cast. Easy.**

**C. There was, much to her immeasurable relief**, **none of that, "You may now..." nonsense and no vows. (She mentally chanted, "Thank you, God...Thank you, God...Thank you, God." )**

"**One," she thought. "There is one group left before I have to go up on the godforsaken stage they set up and have myself bound to someone I've hated for, let's see, hmm...seven years now. Well," she thought resignedly, "I guess it's my last chance to run for the hills." **

**Hermione restrained a laugh at the irony of it all when the headmaster called her name not two seconds after that last thought**

**She walked out from behind the curtain and towards the stage. Malfoy, on the other side of the room and doing the same, glanced over and caught Hermione by surprise and winked as "I Melt With You" by Modern English began to play.**

"**Oh, thank God!" Hermione exclaimed as they left the Hall. **

"**Honestly!" Malfoy agreed as they breezed into the foyer. "That _sucked_!" **

**She stopped in her tracks. "You _do _know that no normal people would actually be saying this after they were married, don't you?"**

**He cocked an eyebrow. "Yo _do_** **know that no normal people would be in this situation?"**

"**Good point."**

AN: Okay, Chapter Four is DONE! Now, I command you to REVIEW if you wish to live! Mwahahahahahahaha!

Katelyn


	5. Rooming Requirements and Baby Blues

**Chapter Five- Rooming Requirements and Baby Blues**

Again , big thank-yous of gigantitude go out to ALL my reviewers! Love y'all!

**Later that curs****ེ****d** **evening, the professors, depending on their house, showed all the victims-ahem..._participants_ to their new rooms.**

**Malfoy and Hermione were taken upstairs a few floors, near the Astronomy Tower, by Professors Snape and McGonagall, who bickered almost as much as the students themselves. Which was saying something!**

"**That's the wrong room, Minerva," Snape insisted.**

"**It most certainly is _not_!"**

"**Is."**

"**Isn't."**

"**Is."**

"**Isn't"**

**This went on for quite awhile. Hermione elbowed Malfoy. "Look at them! They're squabbling like children!" He nodded in disgusted assent.**

"**Oh," they heard Snape say, as he read the names on the label affixed to the door. "Didn't see that.." **

**He tapped the small golden label, and it immediately became a portrait frame filled with swirling silver liquid. A moment later, two figures appeared on the frame. It, horrifyingly, looked to be older versions of Malfoy and Hermione (a.n Which will sometimes be referred to as OH or OM, as in Older Hermione and Malfoy.)**

"**Ohmigod!" shrieked the Older Hermione, who looked to be in her mid-twenties. "It's cute mini-me-and-you's! My God! I was _adorable!_" **

**The Older Malfoy rolled his eyes . "You do know that you frighten me greatly, don't you?" **

"**Oh, shut up," OH said. She then proceeded to pout most convincingly. (Wonder where she learned how to do that...?)**

"**I've _got _to find out how people _do _that!" her present-day counterpart grinned. **

"**You will," OH winked, then changed the subject. She whacked OM on the arm and exclaimed, "Ooh! Draco, look how cute you were when you were little!"**

**OM smirked. "_You _didn't think so then. Oh, and I can see why." He addressed present-day Malfoy. "You might consider using less hair gel. If you don't, this one here," he nodded at OH, "might feel the need to be a wench and wreak havoc on your beauty supplies."**

**OH looked quite triumphant. "Like flushing the lot of it down the toilet?" Quietly, she whispered to Hermione, "He keeps about twenty bottles in the top of the medicine cabinet." **

**OM clapped his hand over OH's mouth. "Don't tell her- er, you, that!"**

"**I. Am going. To bite you," came the muffled reply.**

**Hermione and Malfoy watched, horrified, as their future selves squabbled. "Oh dear sweet Merlin!"the mortified girl exclaimed. Her partner looked equally aghast.**

"**You two will never grow up," said their coldly sarcastic professor. "You can make up a password later." He pushed the door open to reveal their new dorm room.**

**The living area was painted a shiny silver with red and black accents.**

"**Nice," Malfoy commented, surveying it.**

**Hermione nodded and saw that there were four doors at the cardinal points of the common room. One door opened to show a red and black bathroom. She opened another to find her room, predominantly red. Malfoy announced that the room opposite hers, to the south, was his.**

**The fourth door was opened by McGonagal and Snape. It was a light shade of pink with hints of gold. It was utterly out of place in their White Stripes-esque dorm.**

"**What's this, Professor?" Hermione asked her Head of House. **

"**This, Miss Granger, is the other aspect** **of the project," she replied with an air of mystery. **

**A small cry was heard from inside the room. Hesitantly, the two students entered. Hermione slowly walked over to a small bed-thing and picked up its tiny contents. **

**Malfoy looked terrified.**

"**What?" she asked. "The Great Malfoy has a baby phobia?"**

**He looked defensive, then just a little pathetic. "No! ...I just don't know what to do with it. I mean, what do I feed it? What does it do?"**

**She rolled her eyes and sighed. "Honestly, 'it' happens to be a 'she', and she doesn't _do_ anything but eat, sleep, and cry. That's all babies do, genius boy."**

"**Oh, well...did they give it- er, her, a name?"**

"**No." It was Professor McGonagal who replied. "That is up to the 'parents'; that is to say, you."**

"**Any other questions?" Snape looked impatient.**

"**Erm, how did you get her to look so much like us?" Hermione asked, fingering the girl's blonde curls.**

"**Do you remember the end of the ceremony this afternoon?" the female teacher asked. They nodded. "Good. What about the, er, jolt?" Again, they nodded.**

**Flashback**

(AN: Oooh! I looooove writing flashbacks! You know what else I love? Killing space so I can start a fresh page!)

**Hermione heard her and Malfoy's name called. She walked out from behind the curtain erected to keep the boys and girls separate, as did her partner on the other side. Then, she noticed that the first chorus of "I Melt With You" by Modern English flowing into the room. Hermione mentally noted that they'd skipped the somewhat dirty first verse and laughed. **

**Once they's both reached the dais in the middle of the room that the headmaster was standing on, they stopped. Professor Dumbledore said a few words, none of which had actually registered in their brains. There were no vows and they, like the couples before, were asked to produce their wands. The Headmaster muttered something in Latin, and the tips of their wands flew together; there was a sudden jolt, more of an electric shock, really, and they flew apart again. Dumbledore smiled and they were dismissed.**

**End Flashback **

**Yep, they definitely remembered the jolt. (It'd been something akin to unplugging a stereo after just getting out of a pool. Not so peasant.)**

"**That," the Professor said, "was the effect of a Give-and-Take spell. You were given a binding spell, and we took a bit of your power, which we mixed to create _her_."**

**Hermione looked pensive. "You know, I really should've thought of that."**

"**Well, you'll just have to live with that," the over impatient Snape said. "And if there are no more questions, we really should be going." He gave them no opportunity to _ask _any further questions** **and then proceeded to all but _drag _his female counterpart out of the room.**

"**You really are an arse, you know that?" Minerva asked. **

"**I am _not_. I actually have a legitimate** **reason for wanting to get out of there." He pulled her into an empty classroom and produced a small mirror. **

"**What _are_ you doing?" she asked, exasperated.**

"**Watch," he insisted. When he tapped the mirror, it became larger and an image appeared on its surface. It showed a blond boy and a brunette girl holding a small blond baby. **

"**Now the fun really begins," Snape said almost gleefully as he conjured up two armchairs and a jumbo bucket of popcorn.**


End file.
